Peanut Butter Knife

Monday, April 14, 2008

I Give Up.

When I first read this, I assumed it was just a joke since I don't watch cable "news" outlets. Turns out it is oh, so real:

On Hardball, while remarking on Sen. Barack Obama's reported request for orange juice after being offered coffee at an Indiana diner, David Shuster asserted: "It's just one of those sort of weird things. You know, when the owner of the diner says, 'Here, have some coffee,' you say, 'Yes, thank you,' and, 'Oh, can I also please have some orange juice, in addition to this?' You don't just say, 'No, I'll take orange juice,'..."

It turns out that I am completely unqualified to run for President. No, not just because I'm a militant agnostic ("I don't know, and neither do you!"). Not just because I'm short, even by Dennis Kucinich standards. Not even just because I didn't finish college. After the events of the last few weeks, according to the chattering classes in the fourth estate, I'm unqualified to run for President because I don't drink coffee and my bowling scores are lucky if they break 100.

I've lost interest in the Presidential race. Barack Obama isn't perfect but he's the best candidate to get this close to the nomination in my lifetime (if only because this guy was also a victim of media assassination far before he got to Obama's level). Gas prices are going to be triple what they were 8 years ago, the economy is nearing a crisis point we haven't seen since about 1929, we're in a pointless war that no one seems to want to end, it's 2008 and people are still antagonistic towards evolution, not to mention global warming science. I don't need to ennummerate every problem in this country, I think you get the point.

Yet our televised and print media, the places that for better or worse, most undecided Americans will turn to form their impressions of our presidential candidates, have decided (with a great deal of aiding and abetting from the Clinton and McCain camps) that the things that matter most to our country right now are these:

1. Can we trust a guy who doesn't bowl very well with the keys to the White House bowling alley?

2. Someone who chooses (healthier) orange juice over coffee certainly is out of touch with the concerns of working Americans.

3. How dare Barack Obama tell working class voters that they feel bitter for having lost their jobs and security after 20 years of Bush/Clinton economic policies! Only we in the media, with our Ivy League degrees, should be allowed to decide how the working class should feel!

Never before have Jon Stewart's remarks on Crossfire been more apt. They're not just hurting America, they're killing it dead and beating the corpse to a pulp. People are lulled into submission by the shiny graphics and gladiator-like presentation of these networks. This country will get what it deserves in November. The sorry thing is that the rest of us have to live with the consequences.

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